Dumme (und nicht so dumme) Sprüche !

1. Wenn Du des Englischen mächtig bist

2. Wenn (1) zutrifft und Du StarTrek oder StarWars kennst

3. Wenn (1) und (2) zutreffen und Du weißt, was ein TRIBBLE ist *

4. Wenn (1) zutrifft und Du dich gerne über Computer lustig machst

5. Wenn Du einen akademischen Abschluß hast und des Deutschen mächtig bist

... Sowie ein englischer joke

6. Wenn (1) zutrifft und Du in Form eines Witzes etwas Wahres über Frauen erfahren willst

"MEOW"...SPLAT..."RUFF"...SPLAT...(Raining cats & dogs)
Famous last quote:  Anyone got a light?  -David Koresh
Join the Army! Travel the world, meet interesting people, and kill them.
Nine out of ten men who try Camels prefer women.
Stick \stik'\ n. 1: A boomerang that doesn't work
What has four legs and one arm? A happy pit bull.
Roses are red, violets are blue, some poems rhyme, but not this.
9 out of 10 rotweilers prefer Jehovah's Witnesses.
Thou shall not kill, unless it's for dinner!
Feel good?  Don't worry; you'll get over it!
A seminar on Time Travel will be held two weeks ago.
Be nice to your enemies, it drives them nuts.
Eagles may soar but weasels aren't sucked into jet engines!
Johann Sebastian Schwarzenegger - "I'll be BACH!"
One tactical thermonuclear weapon can ruin your whole day.
Plankton lobbyist:  "NUKE THE WHALES!"
The future isn't what it used to be.
Thesaurus: ancient reptile with an excellent vocabulary.
What if there were no hypothetical situations?
Why did Kamakazie pilots wear helmets???
Alzheimers advantage: Make new friends every day.
Iraqi Bingo: B-52...F-16...A-10...F-18...F-117...B-2...
It's not the bullet that kills you, it's the hole!
Math problems? Call 1-800-10*(24+13)-(64-16)/2^14E2.
Since GOD spelled backwards is DOG, is my poodle Satan?
Top secret! Burn before reading!
Why did CNN cancel that cool "Desert Storm" show?
43% of all statistics are worthless.
Help!  I'm parked diagonally in a parallel universe.
Military intelligence is a contradiction of terms.
So many idiots,  so few bazookas
Speak softly and carry a two-handed sword.
Today is the tomorrow you worried about yesterday.

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Star Treck / Wars ...

Obi-Wan Kenobi at the dinner table:  "Use the FORKS, Luke!"
(Ice rocks hit the Enterprise)  "Captain, we are being hailed."
Mr. Worf fire phasers at will! *ZAP* Hey where did Riker go?
A phaser on stun is like a day without orange juice.
How come the AT&T logo looks like the Death Star?
Have it OUR way.  Yours is IRRELEVANT.  At BORGerKing.
How do I set my laser printer to stun?
Luke... Luke... Use the MOUSE, Luke -Obi Wan Gates.
A phaser is the universal communicator. -Worf
Beam me up, Scotty, This planet sucks!
Beam me aboard, Scotty! Aye, will a 3 times 3 do ? 
He's dead Jim.  You take his phaser and I'll get his wallet!
The Borg are coming!  Quick!!  Try and look useless!!!

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Tribbles ...

* <- Tribble      . <---TRIBBLE.ZIP
* <- Tribble      # <- Tribble after 120VAC 60Hz 5A
* <- Tribble      _ <- Tribble vs. Godzilla
* <- Tribble  <-*-> <- Darth Tribble in his TIE fighter
* <- Tribble    !*! <- Skiing Tribble
* <- Tribble      # <- Tribble sees a Klingon
* <- Tribble    =*= <- Red Baron Tribble

<<*>>>>>  <- Chief Master Sergeant Tribble (AF)
\\\*///    <- Senior Airman Tribble
<<<*       <- Sergent Tribble
<<<*)      <- Staff Sergent Tribble
<<<*)))    <- Master Sergent Tribble
<*         <- Private Tribble First Class

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Computer ...

(A)bort (R)etry (H)ug teddy bear and cry?
Press any key to continue, or any other key to quit.
File not found. Fake it? (Y/N)
It said "Insert disk #3", but only 2 will fit!
It's not a BUG, it's an undocumented feature!
Reality.Sys corrupted -- Reboot Universe (Y/N)?
We all live in a yellow subroutine.
Pound forehead on keyboard to continue.
Basic programmers never die. They just GOSUB without RETURN!
640K ought to be enough for anybody. -Bill Gates, 1981.
A KGB keyboard has no ESC key.
DOS=HIGH? I knew it was on something...
DOSSHELL? Of course DOS is hell.
IBM: It may be slow, but at least it's expensive.
If you can't make it good, make it LOOK good. -Bill Gates.
LSD: A cheaper version of virtual reality!
MODEM - Monumentally Overpriced Data Eating Machine.
OS/2? What's that? Half of an Operating System?
Press ESC to enter or ENTER to escape...
ROM wasn't built in a day.
Runtime Error 6D at 417A:32CF: Incompetent User.
Smith & Wesson: The original point and click interface.
System halted - Press all keys at once to continue.
There were computers in Biblical times. Eve had an Apple.
Back Orifice : This virus requires Microsoft Windows 9x
Unknown Error on Unknown Device for Unexplainable Reason.
WOMAN.ZIP - Great program but no documentation.
Who is General Failure and why's he reading my hard disk?
Windows is not a virus. Viruses do something!
You can multi-task on C-64s. Keep a multitude of them!
Artificial Intelligence is no match for natural stupidity
SYSTEM ERROR:  press F13 to continue...
Unable to load REALITY.SYS -- Invalid Parameter: /UTOPIA

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Bekannte deutsche Sprichwörter - In der Neufassung für Akademiker ...

Die voluminoese Evolution der subterraren Knollenfruechte ist reziprok kongruent zum Intelligenzquotienten des nicht akademisch oder aequivalent profilierten Agraroekonomen.

Kontinuierliche Zufuhr von Fluessigkeit, die in kleinen Quanten abgegeben, durch Gravitationseinwirkung zum Erdmittelpunkt hin beschleunigt wird um schließlich auf der Oberflaeche eines geologischen Fundstuecks aufzutreffen, erzeugt durch permanente Auswaschung kleinster Materialteilchen auf Dauer eine sich immer mehr vertiefende Mulde in dem Objekt.

Populanten von Domizilen mit transparenter Aussenstruktur sollten sich von der Transformation resistenter Materie in Wurfprojektile distanzieren.

Da die reife, Pektin-haltige Frucht eines Kulturbaumes auf ihrer Flugbahn zum Erdboden in erster Linie der Gravitationskraft folgt, befindet sich ihr Aufschlagpunkt im Allgemeinen innerhalb eines geringen Radius um den Haupttrieb der Mutterpflanze.


Etwas Wahres über Frauen ...

A man was walking along the beach and found a bottle. he looked around and didn't see anyone so he opened the bottle. A genie appeared and thanked the man for letting him out. The genie said, "I am so grateful to get out of that bottle that I will grant you one wish. But, I can only grant one." The man thought for a while and finally said, "I have always wanted to go to Hawaii. But, I've never been able to go because I cannot fly. Airplanes are much too frightening for me. And on a boat, I see all that water and I become very claustrophobic. So I wish for a road to be built from here to Hawaii." The genie thought for a few minutes and finally said, "No, I don't think I can do that. Just think of all the work involved. Consider all the piling needed to hold up a highway and how deep they would have to go to reach the bottom of the ocean. Imagine all the pavement needed. No, that is just too much to ask." The man thought for a few minutes and then told the genie, "There is one other thing I have always wanted. I would like to be able to understand women. What makes them laugh and cry, why are they so temperamental, why are they so difficult to get along with. Basically, what makes them tick." The genie considered for a few minutes and said, "So, do you want two lanes or four?"

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